THE INTERNET IN A BOX

FEEL THE MAGIC

 

Have you had it with being behind in the times? Do you still feel like you’re stuck in the nineties? Do you want access to news, information, porn, and websites dedicated to Kramer The Magical Donkey?

 

Well, now you can have it, with…THE INTERNET IN A BOX,  and all it takes is 12 easy payments of $11.99

 

WOW!

 

Put an end to all your heart ache and pain. With THE INTERNET your days will be brighter, your dishes cleaner, your wife two sizes smaller,  your grandmother will finally die leaving you with a rich inheritance, and you can buy things from the comfort of your own home.

 

Never leave your house again….EVER!

 

Do you remember how it used to take you hours to check the weather? Not anymore sister, because now weather information is fast, free, and easy. You’ll impress your colleagues at work with your vast knowledge of the weather and how you can predict the weather 4 days in advance. Don’t believe us?

 

Just ask Susan:

“I checked the weather everyday before work. I would tell everyone at work what the weather was going to be like. People thought I was really gifted. Then people started to request weather for special occasions like birthdays, circumcisions and Kwanza, and when I didn’t come through they started calling me a witch. When my boss found out I was a weather witch he fired me. I’ve been unable to get a job, and I’ve been trying for six months now. Now, I have more time to sit at home and surf www.Weather.com. Did you know that technology is increasing so rapidly that within the year weather people will be able to predict weather 6 days in advance?”

-Susan

 

Wow! The INTERNET can do the same for you too!

 

With THE INTERNET, you won’t have to worry about how you’re going to amuse your children, just sit them down in front of THE INTERNET, they’ll be amused for hours…even days! WOW!

Just ask siblings Samantha and Bobby:

 

“I like playing with the INTERNET more than Bobby because THE INTERNET doesn’t bite and  Bobby does.” -Samantha

“I like the Internet because its made out of magic. Magic is fun. Yay. How do they make the internet?” -Bobby

 

Got a serious case of the doldrums? Not anymore, because with THE INTERNET you can turn you frown upside down in just a matter of seconds. Just turn it on and… ZOING! Smiles for everyone. It’s just that simple!

 

Take a look at this picture of this poor college boy before he bought THE INTERNET.

    

 

Now look at him after!

 

 

SO SIMPLE! SO AMAZING! YOU CANNOT BELIEVE!

 

 

THE INTERNET does not stop there, oh no!  Case studies involving REAL doctors with REAL PhD’s have shown that THE INTERNET can actually CURE homelessness!  Sound too fanfabultastic to believe?  Just listen to this awesome testimonial from George:

“I used to be homeless but ever since I got the internet I’ve been living comfortably in my 6 bedroom 5 bath virtual mansion. Thanks The INTERNET!”

       -George

 

 

 

But wait?  This all sounds TOO GOOD to be true?  How  can this possibly work?  How DOES THE INTERNET really work?


style="mso-spacerun: yes">  Well, for all you skeptics we have included an ACTUAL DIAGRAM of THE INTERNET working!

 

 

YOU’VE GOT TO THE GET THIS PRODUCT!

 

 

But wait!  There is more!  Call 555-555-1337 now and receive this neat THE INTERNET IN A BOX carrying case.  Never again,  will you have to go anywhere without your THE INTERNET…EVER!

 

Batteries not included. See restrictions wherever they may apply